Be Like the Rocky Headland

I've been there. I understand that sometimes life doesn't just give you lemons. Sometimes life doesn't just suck, it seems to be doing everything it can to crush you. To break you.

August 25, 2022. That was the date I was arrested and accused of stealing evidence. That was the date my life ended. Or so I thought. That was also the last day I used crystal meth.

The Avalanche

I was accused of stealing evidence and placed on administrative leave. Three months later, in November 2022, I resigned. No more paychecks. No more income.

Then, in December 2022, the engine on my truck seized up. I had neglected changing the oil because I simply didn't have the time or the money for an oil change. One hundred fifty dollars deferred. Now it was going to cost me $10,000 to $15,000 for a new engine. I certainly couldn't afford that.

For six months, August 2022 to February 2023, I lived in limbo. I knew I was innocent of the charges. My family couldn't trust me. They'd watched me lie about addiction for years. Now I was telling them I hadn't stolen evidence, and they had no way to know if I was lying again. My word meant nothing.

In February 2023, the charges came. Six felonies. Seven years possible prison time. And my marriage, already cracking under the weight of that limbo, finally broke.

In May of 2023, my wife told me she wanted a divorce. She just couldn't see herself living with me any longer. I couldn't blame her. So in June of 2023, after a whirlwind of three weeks, our house was cleaned out. She and the kids packed up to move to Sparks. Just to get away from everything. The memories. The shame. The disappointment. But most of all, I felt like she was running away from me.

I had been arrested. I had been plastered all over the news and social media. I had been escorted off my son's school campus because some of the other parents were afraid of me. My truck broke down. My wife and I were getting divorced. My older son had recently been diagnosed with a chronic medical condition for which I had to give him nightly enemas and suppository medication. My house was in foreclosure. Again. My wife and kids were moving to a different state. And my dog, Midge, who I had since 2010, had to be put down.

Any one of these things would be difficult to deal with. All of them can be a catalyst for substance abuse or relapse. Adding multiple together would reasonably make anyone consider the alternative to going on living. All of them together was simply overwhelming. Or, at least, it should have been.

The Darkest Place

In the time between August 2022 and July 2023, I faced not only the worst things that ever happened to me, I faced all of them at the same time. I would be lying if I told you I never thought about suicide. I still had two life insurance policies covering me. My kids would be well taken care of.

I could tell you the thoughts came and went, but that would be a lie. They never really went.

In the darkest moments of despair I thought about it. Who wouldn't? But then I did what I should have done years before: I reached out for help. Something I wasn't strong enough or humble enough to do before suddenly became the only path forward. Well, the only path forward in which I was still part of this world.

The Rocky Headland

During the time between August 2022 and July 2023 I thought about suicide. From July 2023 until last week I used to jokingly think to myself that lesser men would have killed themselves. I used to tell some of my new friends that what I went through would have made lesser men quit and leave this life.

It was only one week ago, late April 2026, that I came across this passage from Meditations by Marcus Aurelius:

Be like the rocky headland on which the waves constantly break. It stands firm, and round it the seething waters are laid to rest. "It is my bad luck that this has happened to me." No, you should rather say: "It is my good luck that, although this has happened to me, I can bear it without pain, neither crushed by the present nor fearful of the future." Because such a thing could have happened to any man, but not every man could have borne it without pain.

Marcus Aurelius

And I clearly understood the blessing this entire situation was.

If it wasn't for the false accusations, I would never have been forced to accept the fact that I had fallen so far into addiction that even though I was innocent of evidence theft, the accusations weren't as outrageous as they first seemed. Though I hadn't stolen evidence, I had made questionable and unethical decisions. It was only a matter of time before I actually became the person everyone else saw me becoming.

That brick to the face forced me off the track I was on. That catastrophic life implosion was the only thing that saved me. If this never happened to me, I never would have been able to change.

The Good Fortune

Marcus asked: "So why see more misfortune in the event than good fortune in your ability to bear it?"

I wouldn't change what happened for anything in the world. Not only can I realize and understand that it was my good fortune this happened to me, because had this happened to anyone else they likely would have taken the easy way out. But it really wasn't the easy way out. It would have just been the easiest way for me. It would have been the hardest way for my children. Sure, I would have been free from all the shame and the pain. But all I would have succeded in doing was dumping it on my kids. And they certainly weren't ready for that burden.

This happened to me not only because of the choices I made. It happened because it needed to happen. Because I was able to bear it, learn from it, and ultimately become the man I was supposed to be long ago.

I have gone through the storm. Not because I am some great unshakable man with all the answers. But because I was finally forced to understand and accept that I am a man. I do not have all the answers, but I know where to find them and who to turn to in order to find the help I desperately needed but was too proud and stupid to ask for.

If You're in the Storm

If you are currently going through one of life's great storms, you are not alone. Don't try to be the one who does it all alone.

Reach out for help. Call someone. Tell the truth about where you are. The same pride that kept me numb for years, the same pride that convinced me I could handle it by myself, that pride will kill you. Not metaphorically. Actually.

And when you get to the other side, when the waves stop breaking and you're still standing, you'll understand what Marcus understood. You'll see the good fortune in your ability to bear what felt unbearable.

I will be your lighthouse. Ditch the Drift will be your map. Don't do it the hard way. Join the community. Add team members and community support.

You're the rocky headland. Act like it.